Self-Talk Wednesday

I have many things to say but I cannot find the right phrase to start so I can let all the things i wanna say out of my system.

This blog has been sitting for so long already.  I’ve been renewing the domain, but still I did not find myself making a post, even at least once a month.

Some days, I wanted to blog, but I just do not have the jumping energy to start the first post.  Sometimes I am filled with excitement that I have tons of things to write, but suddenly in a moment, I lost the mental strength even to log in. Sad no?

Oh no! What is happening to me!??

At the moment, my desk is filled with multiple tasks –all have deadlines! The CSM tabulation, the stuff needing for the Anniversary activity kick-off, the details for the bench-marking trip — tickets, reportables and so on…My system is filled, but a small part of me wanted to sit in a nook and do crafts — I am not creative but I believe that my inner-self is one. lol!  I just need to let it out.

I wanted to join a meme.  But as of the moment I cannot find one.  I dunno my fellow mommy bloggers have one, I have been to their blogs in ages. So i grab several lines from the net.  These are getting-to-know-you-better questions.  I know many bloggers in the early days of blogging have done this.  I’ll not tag anyone but I like you to tag me if you are going to answer the same questions, so that I will be able to know your answer and know you better.

Remember, we do simple posts as this during our early days of blogging. I know 99% of your blogs are of certain niche now, but I still hope you can find a way where you can post your answer, but please not on FB.

  • What was your first job out of high school?
    • I think I worked full-time for 2 months as a baby sitter
  • What was your first pet?
    • A dog. We named her Leoparda.  She was given to us when she was still a wee pee. She stayed with us for many years and died when she was hit by a car. 🙁
  • Describe your first date.
    • I cannot remember details but I was a high school lass. It was not really a date because dating is a no no on campus. But surely it was with a boy. 
  • What was your first car?
    • Oh no! hmmm maybe an empty cardboard box. lol!

Moderate to Prevent Spammy Comments

Incoming comments for this blog are being moderated but I am wondering now that from time to time spam goes right into my comment dashboard.  Akismet is on so I really don’t know where the problem lies. Oh well, at least it’s moderated so at least i can still bar these spammy comments from showing up in my posts. 🙂

Need fillers yahh. Thank you Sheriff!

on waiting

are you good at waiting? can you wait for someone or anyone for an hour or two and still all smiiles and feeling good when the person arrives. or you can still smile but your inside is burning with anger and your blood pressure shooted up silently. hehehe

well, if i have to answer that, i can say it depends on the person i am waiting for. there are different people that come to our lives and we can meet different people anytime of the day. let me enumerate the following type of people who will let me wait and see my reaction. i know each one of has have different patience level so my patience level will also vary on the people who let me wait.

1. my sweetheart or bf – if he lets me wait and hour and i will “feel” it was unintentional, pwes! when he comes, he can’t find me on the spot anymore. am off to the mall or maybe off to home. LOL! but if he lets me wait in an airport – i would wait the whole day if i knew he made the flight and he contacted me that i should not leave the airport even if i have to wait 5 hrs or more.

2. my daughter/son – i would wait. i would smile. even an hour will do but the sermon will be endless. hahahahaha.

3. my mom – i would wait until she comes. without complaining out loud. i will do my complaining just in my thoughts.

4. my father – i would leave as soon as i get bored. hahahaha. he is already big and very much able to find his way. except maybe if i am gonna wait on him in a bus terminal or airport in a foreign place.

3. work related persons – incase am told to meet an official visitor at the terminal or airport and has not come in an hour or two, well, i don’t have to complain because am paid being there. hahaha. but if the place is not a nice place for waiting like being crowded and people smokes – haiii i would surely complain inside me.

4. friend – i would leave after an hour or two or it depends on the place. now that texting is available, i won’t wait that long it depends if he or she really asked me to wait for that long.

5. bus/plane/vehicle – long time before, i find myself complaining for delayed trip schedules. but as i get older, i tend to be patient. i would like to think that the time is now my own. it is God’s property. So i have to depend on him. Who knows a delay will prevent me from an accident. Who knows a delay will cause me to meet the future love of my life. Who knows a delay will enable me to help a person who really needs help. right?

and you? are you that patient or are you also impulsive at times, like me?

it feels like…

i dunno what i wanna do now.

my brain is dry.

something is amiss why my mind does not perk up to make me able to write sth exciting or at least me laughing in what i wrote.

maybe am just tired…but why? i slept before 11 last night.

someone is thinking of me. wish i know who.

i wanna talk to someone and he or she turns out to make me laugh….hmmm guess i need a CLOWN!

hahahahhaah

hmm that feels a bit better now. Not a bit. Not even a bit. It’s still the same.

Ever?

I watched a bit of Sharon last night. I just came in from dinner with friends (after the graduation program) and I got home tired and hot due to the weather. I decided to sit down a bit to watch the program. It was about Teenage Pregnancy. One question that caught my attention was when Sharon Cuneta asked the girls if the thought of “abortion” or letting go of fetus “ever” crossed their mind. Two of the girls said yes, but due to guilt, can’t do it. And the other one said “never” because of her too much love towards the baby’s father. Now, the 3 ladies interviewed were celebrities in the world of Philippine movie industry and I thought if sth happens to any of them like this, they can never think anything like that coz “money” could never be a problem. But the two girls have good reasons why at one point they thought that way.

Well, i’ve been there. If Sharon is able to ask me the same question then I would answer “yes.” But because of horrible thoughts of the outcome afterwards – i have to garbage the thought. But I can still clearly remember when I said yes and that was the time when my mom asked me this, “so, what’s your plan now.” I replied right away, “i’m letting it go.” Mom then replied, “if that’s your decision then go ahead. I will call your aunts to assist you.” Right away the aunts were called. When they arrived at our home, I asked them about the procedure, how many days, what to drink or take, will i be sick or what. They replied, “the procedure will take 2 weeks.” It was like my mouth got cut in the middle when i shouted — “whattttttttttttttttttttt?” I called my mom into my bedroom and said, “pls tell them to go home. i don’t wanna let this fetus go anymore. Am scared. I’d better face the consequence of hardship of rearing this baby than facing the guilt feeling forever.” Mom let my aunts go. hehehhe

For now, my baby is up and active and very very hard headed at times. I often joked with her that I will put her back inside my tummy if i can’t bear her ugali anymore. hahaha

By the way, i think my case was not a “teen-age” pregnancy but early adulthood pregnancy. It was like am physiologically ready to be pregnant but not yet emotionally.

A Quick Note

Am on the run but before I will do so let me say to friends who dropped comments that I will get back to you later tonight or anytime of the day if I can. I am going now to Cagayan de Oro for the last day before the burial of my mom’s brother. I guess am the only one they waited for. I was just so busy at work. Still busy today but I have to make a 14 hrs leave. Our family always have this mini-reunion when someone dies. Death in our family naturally can caused us sadness but it’s more on happy feeling because you get to see people you haven’t seen for a long time.

It was my washing time last night – i finished around past 12 and I was so sleepy so I missed Yen’s meme: QOTW! Saddddddddd me. But hopefully next week I can join. I thought of grabbing the questions now but really am running out of time.

But later in the day (i am not sure) if things will be boring out there, I will lgo try to find a net bar and get back online to blog or bloghop. ok?

Wish you all a nice Thursday!

yahoooo friends :)


good_morning Myspace Comments

Smileeeeeeeee 🙂 I guess i have many reasons to smile today. I woke up feeling fine enough to meet the day with a smile. I know today would be real different from the previous days when pressure was holding me on the neck.

For the information of everyone, today is the last day of the inspection actually they will be done this morning. The exit conference will be at 11 am and then off they go to Cagayan de Oro after lunch to catch their 4 pm flight back to Manila and further. Then all will be back to normal. We will just wait again for the next agency to come but i think it will not be for the next couple of months.

At home too, the people are busy but with happiness. My nephew from a cousin will graduate today. He stopped schooling for many years but when my Mom decided to get him to be her buddy and at the same time give him back the chance to study. So, after 4 long years — he is done! He will graduate today and he is glad his parents came to attend with 2 of his younger brothers. I asked my cousin how many kids does he have, he said he has 10 and only his son who is with us graduated highschool. I heard mom talking to him last night, advising him to really send his kids to school.

The last but not the least, this is sth that made my smile really stretch from side to side — i got some good amount sent to my paypal today. hehehehehe. I am glad it come and I will visit the bank later today for assistance because I thought of spending my first Paypal withdrawal on sth good for me and dimple. yahooooo!

The Blue is Still Blue this morning

Yaps. Had a sleepless night. I was up almost all night on the net but my mind was blank on what to write or post on my two main blogs. What I did was upload pictures in my friendster account (pics of the gathering the other day) and also blogged there. I posted a 1 day diary and that’s my latest entry at my friendster blog. While doing these things, I was also fervently hoping he would come by at least say a hi if he can’t stay long to talk about anything. But he never did. I went to bed with the same color and tears fell on my pillow.

He occupied my mind when I woke up this morning. I woke up with a heavy heart. I also cried in my sleep because I dreamed of my sister. I feel better now about my sister because we already talked just 30 minutes ago. She is fine. So only one thing left. It’s all about my love. I am hoping that all will be sort out ok today. Am really hoping because I can’t stand the hurt. And when am hurt my capacity to understand will be limitted and even gone at times. I then felt left out and alone and insecure. Being insecure is one thing in my life that I would not like to stay. Yaps, i have many instances i felt insecure or useless but when am not hurt or in pain, I can always think of the positive side and I feel better.

Well, as of this moment, am still thinking positive and writing this out makes me feel 1% better. Thanks for friends out there who offered to be listeners. Thanks for being there. But I would like to sort this out with him first before I can confer it with my family and friends. It’s not being secretive. It’s about trying to solve the problem alone muna. 🙂