Comments (11)

By admin, July 15, 2010 1:29 am

A letter from a an experienced mom: a reply to this post.  A blog post i made in August of 2007.

I love this very long comment that i wished it was longer more.  But even then, it contains all what this mommy wants to tell me.

dear Arlene,

you asked the question, “Are we both confusing this 10 year old girl?”, which means you are open to discussions. and if it is all right with you, i am offering my thoughts.

i was kinda disturbed, what i did was to read your blogs (including All About Her”, to have a feel of how it is in your home. sad to say, my overall feeling is “pity this child”. sorry, my dear, but i am just being frank, on the other hand, who am i, but just an outsider, anyway.

but i am glad, you are opening up your doubts. i am talking based on experience, with myself and with my friends. i have been a mother for 27 years now–to 7 wonderful kids. i am not saying they are perfect, they each have their own loving flaws.

i have been working all my 27 years (took early retirement in oct 2007, but now doing what i like most–writing), and it was my mother, all along, who took care of my kids while i was at work (the past 10 years of which i have been away traveling 1/3 of the time).

oh, yes, my mom took care of my kids (am forever grateful for that), but she took loving care of them, but it was stressed–my way, not hers. you see, grandmothers can be controlling at times, or for others, too lenient. i saw to it, that i always discuss these things with my mom–hurt though she be sometimes, hurt though i may be sometimes. the bottomline is, we do not want to confuse.

i also saw a bit, nay a lot of “controlling” in you, coming with it your expectations. your daughter is just a child, dear, and children are supposed to have loving fun, of course school responsibilities are there, too. but you have to start from the very basic, have loving fun. for how can a child turn to her responsibilities, if she does not feel true fun, if she is so pressured.

i never pressured any of my kids, i have always been patient, o have always been cool. i have never tutored, nay even supervised them with their schooling. of course, i have always been there for them in case they need my help. most of them are honor students.

what we have more at home, and outside the home are gimmicks and happy moments. every night, before our family prayers, is that loving banter, which they so love, one of their favorite moments with family.

loosen up a bit, dear, i know you cannot do it overnight, but you can start by being friends with your daughter. talk with her about what makes her happy, about her interests. she’s just a child, in a few years, she will have other interests, she would have crushes, her life will now revolve with friends. cope, step by step, grow with her.

btw, one of my friends let her mom control her 3 kids (and spoil one), there was a point in time that she could not anymore intervene. they are now grown ups (17 to 24). know what? the 2 boys have not taken their college seriously, no one has completed college yet. only her daughter, who is now in 1st year college, who has become her friend in the later years, is taking college seriously). it’s too late to go back now, but she is trying to do some damage control. please do not let this happen to your family. start now–while your 2 children are still very young.

i know it is not easy, but for the sake of your children, try my dear, for some change. your daughter will love you more for giving her space, for giving her the chance to grow up with not with pressure, but with loving understanding.

this comment has become so long, it can even be considered a post. God bless you.

I have in mind that my parenting role is very challenging because i am playing a dual role (dad & mom). Although there are real dad stuff that dads should do or share with their daughters that i can never do, yet, i believe that one day my daughter will understand the real situation.

Comments (0)

By admin, August 8, 2008 1:40 am

Thanks Nice for inviting me to share my thoughts on this topic. Let me see what can i share.

{START COPY}

The Rules:

The aim of these questions is to share opinions and experiences among moms (or dads) in the blogosphere.

Each week a new question will be posted and I’m inviting mom and dads to answer and share their thoughts about it.

If you are participating, leave your links in the comments section.

Link back to this site inviting other parents to join the fun.

Try to visit the other participants…you will love their answers, that’s for sure

I had been a entirely different person ever since I became a mom. I’m pretty sure other moms feel the same way. It was the best privilege ever presented to me but it comes with a lot of challenges. So the question of the week goes…

What adjustments did you make in your life to fit the role of a mother? Can you share some tips to make your tasks easier?

{END COPY}

I’d like to say that maybe my role as mother may not the same as most of the participant of this meme or let’s say not a common one but i still would like to share what i’ve been through and how i dealt with them. Who knows maybe some single moms can come across my post and can be able to get a point of two.

Adjustments -

1. I became a mother at the young age of 25. I would say young because all in all i was not yet ready. But i was in a situation that there’s no more turning back so i have to go on and promise to myself and God that am gonna take care of the baby no matter what. My real singleness freedom was gone and it took me time to adjust to it. Am glad mom was there to help me. I was a dotting mom for more than a month but in my mind i was soo worried on how to raise the child – i was jobless.

3. Marriage and the broken marriage. I got married thinking that it was the already the chance to make a whole family. Though at the back of my mind that time i don’t feel right but i heed to counsels of people older than me and experienced in marriage so at 8 months pregnancy, i decided to be married to the man i was living with. Adjustment in marriage plus the kid was tough. Though i experienced a whole “motherhood” that time yet the marriage adjustment was just too much. I gave all that i had and he took all what i have given him and even rob me off that respect and confidence yet i can’t fight him. He was a man and i should listen to him. fortunately for me and unfortunately for him, i had the chance to leave – so i left. That made me again a “mom on the go” forever for my son. The adjustment of being away from my sun took me a year to be ok. Daily i cry of missing him – but thinking that i need to be away from them to make me psychologically and emotionally strong so that they can still grow up and knew they have a mom somewhere toiling for them – i am not pressured of the guilt anymore.

Tips on how to make my task easier:

1. Learn to trust others specially in the care of your child. I owe a lot to my mom.

Comments (2)

By admin, July 1, 2008 5:31 am

Am tagged by Hailey. Thank you sis for sharing this with me. It’s such a wonderful story.

Friendly Rules:

3. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog.

— The Best Gift Ever —

PLS. SEND THIS TO AT LEAST FIVE PEOPLE SO AS TO LET THIS GREAT LESSON FLOW AROUND.

Lesson I learned: (Write here what your learned)
We should appreciate waht is given us, be it big or small, glittery or rusty. The important act is the thoughtfulness not the value of the thing being given.

Am passing this nice story to:

- Mitch
- Cheryll
- Sheng
- Juliana
- Amel

Happy sharing the story girls. it’s a nice one!

Comments (0)

By admin, June 10, 2008 6:44 am

Tagged by Yen.

What i love being a mom? Hmmmmm It sounds hard because I am not the normal type of dotting mom to my kids because of so many factors but all in all am still a mom and I thank God i was given that chance.

I cannot enumerate a long lists like most of the participants of this game did but one thing i can say is that I thank God I was given the chance to become a real mom because they come out of me to a girl and boy. I had the chance to take care of my boy his first 18 months and it was a challenging yet unforgetable times of my life.

Now going back to the question –

>> my own kids calling me mom especially when they are hurt and when they are happy.
>> when dimple gives me a tight hug when she was still a wee girl.
>> jaizon comes up to my bedside in the early morning hours.
>> Dimple writing me a note or sending me a letter with the words “i love you, mommy!”
>> when Dimple asks me endless innocent questions that only moms can answer. haiii

Now i can’t think of more. Though life is hard for me a single parent – i can still say that it’s nice and challenging to be a mom.

Am passing this tag to Caroleen and Abby.

Comments (0)

By admin, May 9, 2008 3:49 am

In connection with the upcoming Mom’s day event, this tag is going around the blogosphere and am so thrilled and excited to have it when Mommy Liz awarded it also to me. I am so touched for the gesture and made me realized that indeed, in each of us, there is always that “greatness” as a mom no matter what we do to make life comfortable and smoothsailing for our family especially our children.

I am sharing this award to everyone in my list – MOMS/DAUGHTERS/HUSBANDS – for ur mom and the mom of your kids/ SON. Please do so by grabbing the codes here.

Comments (1)

By admin, May 8, 2008 8:39 am

Stripped of love, the universe
Would drive us mad with pain;
But we are born into a world
That greets our cries with joy.

How much I owe you for the kiss
That told me who I was!
The greatest gift–a love of life–
Lay laughing in your eyes.

Because of you my world still has
The soft grace of your smile;
And every wind of fortune bears
The scent of your caress.

***poem courtesy of poems for free dot com

This is from Hailey. Thanks, sis!

I wanna pass this tag to all mommies in my list and even if you are not in my list. If you feel you wanna snag this – go ahead! Happy Mom’s day!

Comments (0)

By admin, April 18, 2008 2:01 am

I read more than twice today asking how’s me and my daughter lately. I feel it is a touching gesture for someone to ask me “how i’ve been doing lately and not just me but also my growing up daughter” — well, we are both doing fine. Summer is now and am glad that I still have my work to go to daily five times a week or else I would just end up at home relaxing but would feel guilty at the end of the day for being unproductive. So this is my answer –

Well, for now, my daughter is enjoying the summer fun of no class and she just spend her time watching tv (remember our tv was off for more than 2 months) if not on the streets with a bike. Honestly, I think it is very unproductive. My time long time ago with her age — I am mom’s assistant at home, or at my aunts place doing this and that and end up being paid at the end of the week or the day. I tried to encourage dimple what i’ve been doing during my childhood but she does not appreciate it and does not want to do it. Sad me.

Well, how is wish summer camps like the Circus Summer Camps of New York is here locally it would surely be a blessing. My friends daughter is still very young but she said, hopefully in three years time, she can bring Jayden to this camp as it is just located right at her place. Good for her. Dimple would just love to join Jayden. NY friends, i would love to see pictures of your experience in the circus camps this year.

Comments (2)

By admin, February 14, 2008 3:01 pm

Thanks Mitch for tagging. I have done this already last December and here is my entry:

Since that time, although I have been angry many times, but I still haven’t hit her yet although she receives occassional pinches from me when she is too much and for now my views aren’t changed yet. For now, the little pinches and loud voice still works and one time I grabbed her hair but still spared the rod. But i know one day, I WILL CANE if the need arise.

Am going to pass the tag to Kim, the authors of D is for Dad, Jeanne, Jane, Abby, and Sheng.
.